White Chocolate and Pistachio Crack...ers.

Have you ever seen The Wire? It ran on HBO in the early-2000s, right around the time of Sex and the City, $1.61 gas, and my tragic experiment with pink glitter eyeshadow.

It just made me look like I had contracted a case of really flamboyant pink eye, you know?

Anyways, the show is all about drugs, gangs, police, politics, shootings, the prison system, and drugs. Did I mention drugs? All of the cop shows on cable look like exercises in kindergarten logic when compared to The Wire. I mean, shiz gets so really real REAL fast. Fo' real.

Usually when the gangs are yelling about drugs I don't even know what they're talking about. An "8-Ball"is apparently something far different from a magical pool ball churning out prophecies. It's crack. (Thanks, Google!)

This treat is far more innocent. I've seen versions of "crack bark" with milk chocolate and pecans, but I used white chocolate and pistachios 'cause it's what I had. The salty-sweetness makes it addicting, but if this is the only substance you're addicted to, I'd say you're doing alright.

And congratulations to....Nicole: cheeseburger mac! You're the winner of the Fritos giveaway! 

White Chocolate and Pistachio Crackers   
2 T. brown sugar
2 T. butter
1/2 t. vanilla extract
18 saltine crackers
4 squares (or 1/2 cup chips) white chocolate, chopped
1/3 cup shelled pistachios, chopped

1.) Preheat oven to 350. Line a baking sheet with foil greased with cooking spray. Lay the saltine crackers on the sheet side by side to form a rectangle.
2.) In a small saucepan, melt the butter and brown sugar together over medium heat. Evenly pour the mixture over the crackers. Bake for about 7 minutes, or until the butter and sugar are bubbly.
3.) Sprinkle on the white chocolate. Spread over the crackers with a butter knife as it melts. Top with the chopped pistachios. Let cool and place in the refrigerator until top hardens. Break into pieces and store in a plastic bag.

Slow-Cooker BBQ Beer Pulled Chicken

The Frito Giveaway has been extended to Monday! Just 'cause I feel like it.


Foodgawker is one of my ultimate procrastination websites. It plays second-fiddle to Facebook, of course, but it's a great place to brainstorm meal ideas, find cool food blogs, and mark tasty treatz.

Crispy testicles made the site today. Tasty treatz surely is a subjective term. 

Anyhow, the picture that really caught my eye had nothing to do with seared male reproductive organs. I slightly adapted this recipe from How Sweet It Is after seeing it (read: drooling over it) on FG. It's great on a bun, nachos, or just in its naked chicken glory. 

Naked Chicken Glory. Good band name?

Ps- The recipe only needs 4 ounces of brewski. I give you permission to imbibe the rest.

Slow-Cooker BBQ Beer Pulled Chicken  Makes 3 hearty helpings
1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breast (or whatever's on sale. Thighs would be super!)
1 t. onion powder
1 t. paprika
1/4 t. garlic powder
1/2 t. salt
1/4 t. pepper
4 oz beer (I used amber ale)
1/2 cup barbecue sauce

1.) Add the chicken to the slow cooker. Sprinkle the onion powder, paprika, garlic, salt, and pepper over the top. Pour in the beer and barbecue sauce.
2.) Cover and cook on low for 8 hours or high for 4. Shred and enjoy!

Chili Cheese Freezer Burritos

Psst! There's still a chance to win a Fritos prize package! Check out Monday's post.

I stumbled upon a case of frozen, pre-made burritos while considering my ice cream options in the freezer aisle the other day. You know that phrase "don't shop when you're hungry"? I never abide by it.

For one, my grocery store adventure time is most convenient after my seminars--which are all at night. And two, the so-called rules and I just don't meld, man.

So anyways, those florescent-hued, plastic wrapped burritos were looking mighty tasty. I used to love bean burrito day in high school. And it was a love unshared by most of the student body for many...farty and bloaty reasons.

The only thing you want to pass in 6th period is that big exam!

Ah! Ok.

To cut down fear of intestinal difficulties, I made these at home. Using leftover chili from the Frito Pie, these tasty little burritos came together nicely. You can make a few of them and freeze them for future quick meals-- fluorescent packaging optional.

Chili Cheese Freezer Burritos   Makes: 4 burritos
4 burrito-sized flour tortillas
1 cup cooked white rice
1 1/3 cup leftover chili
1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
Chopped fresh (or dried) chives

1.) Tear four pieces of aluminum foil that are about the same size as the tortillas. Lay one tortilla on an piece of foil. Spoon 1/4 cup rice slightly off-center in the tortilla (it makes it easier to fold). Top with 1/3 cup of the chili, 2 tablespoons of cheese, and a sprinkle of chives.
2.) Roll the tortilla into burrito form, then roll the foil around the completed burrito. Crimp the foil edges to seal. Repeat with the remaining burritos.
3.) Freeze. To eat, unwrap the foil from the burrito and rewrap it with a damp paper towel. Microwave for 3 minutes on high.

Frito Pie with my Ma's Chili + a Giveaway!

I was challenged by Fritos to suggest an "extreme" ingredient for a Fritos Pie Remix video. Traditionally, a Frito Pie involves scooping chili over a handful of chips, topping with cheese, and baking until the cheese melts and the Fritos transform into a cornbread-y crust. But they wanted a challenge, and I was totally feelio this dealio, if you know what I mean.

You don't? It's cool.

Naturally, Ramen noodles popped into my head as the challenge ingredient. So did generic brand corn chips, but that probably would have ruffled some Frito feathers.

Check out Chef Stephen's interpretation of a Frito Pie with Ramen noodles below:

...Crazy, bro.

My spin on Frito pie isn't really a spin because, let's be real, it's pretty much impossible to improve the chili version. The best I can do is use my Mom's recipe for chili. She's made the recipe for 27-ish years, which is weird considering she's only 25!

*Cue oldest daughter bonus points.*

But just like a cheesy informercial, WAIT!, there's MORE!

Fritos so kindly sent me a box of swag to give away. It's loaded with a variety of their chips, a backpack,  chip clips, and koozie to keep your drank nice and cold. I'm throwing in a couple packages of Ramen for good measure. Also, I somehow managed to purchase a can of lima beans without my cognizance, and this seems like an excellent opportunity to rid my pantry of unwanted bean product. Woo!

TO ENTER:
Post a comment on what your challenge ingredient to Fritos would have been. Then do 25 sit-ups, an algebraic proof, and let me know what White Cheddar Cheez-Whiz tastes like. I've always been curious.

Winner will be announced on Friday (1/27) at 12 pm!

Frito Pie with my Ma's Chili   Makes about 2 servings + a little leftover 
1 small onion, finely chopped
1/2 lb. lean ground chuck
1.5 T. chili powder
1 15 oz. can tomatoes in puree
1 cup tomato sauce
2 t. tomato paste
1/2 t. salt
Bay leaf
1 15 oz. can chili beans

For the Frito Pie:
1 cup Fritos
Grated cheddar cheese
Sour cream
Chives (fresh or dried, optional)

1.) Cook beef and onions over moderate heat until browned. Stir in the chili powder and cook for 1 minute.
2.) Add all remaining ingredients except for the beans. Cover and simmer 1 hour. Add beans and discard bay leaf.
3.) Preheat oven to 350. Add equal amounts of Fritos to individual ramekins or a small baking dish. Top with a scoop of chili and cheese. Bake for 10-15 minutes, or until cheese is melted and bubbly. Serve with sour cream and a sprinkle of chives.

Copycat "Moose Munch" Popcorn

Moose Munch, a popcorn by the company Harry & David, sounds terrible. What is it? Popcorn covered in fried moose hides? Moose doo-doo? Moose tooties from their booties?

Ok, I'll stop being gross now.

It's quite far from the categorization of gross. Moose Munch is caramel popcorn drizzled with white chocolate, milk chocolate, and almonds. If that's what moose (mooses? moosi? mooseses?) snack on, sign me up to be part of the herd in my next life.

I wanted to melt both the white and milk chocolate over the popcorn, but I burned the milk chocolate. So to cover-up the mistake, I'll simply label this as "Moose Munch with Chocolate 2-Ways." Fancy, right?

The good news is it was still flippin' good. My boyfriend requested a never-ending bag of it, so I'll take that as a sign of quality. Try melting both chocolates if you've got superior liquefying skillz!

Copycat "Moose Munch" Popcorn     A Shareable Snack for 2 
1 box Crunch n' Munch caramel popcorn (Comes with nuts in it! Woo!)
3 squares (or 1/4 cup of chips) white chocolate
1/4 cup milk chocolate chips

1.) Spread popcorn on a baking sheet to form a single layer.
2.) Carefully(!) melt the white chocolate in the microwave in 30 second intervals. Drizzle over the popcorn.
3.) Repeat to melt the milk chocolate chips and drizzle over the popcorn. If burnt, toss a handful of chocolate chips in the popcorn and tell yourself the candy company must employ a bunch of quality assurance morons.

Peanut Butter Granola Bars

These were supposed to be Apple and Peanut Butter Granola Bars, but then my applesauce went all patriotic on me. A magnificent red, white, and blue mold covered the top of my jar like a really grody, hairy hat.

So I saluted the sauce as it descended honorably to the trashcan and subbed in vegetable oil. "Oil and Peanut Butter Granola Bars" doesn't quite have the same ring to it, though.

I'd still like to try the apple version, but these are fabulously tasty as is. They're crunchy and loaded with jelly's superior counterpart. I'll be making these for as long as my peanut butter resists all signs of patriotism.

Peanut Butter Granola Bars     Makes 1 dozen bars

3 1/4 cup oats

1 t. cinnamon

1/2 t. salt

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup vegetable oil (or applesauce!)

1/4 cup peanut butter

1/4 cup honey

1 t. vanilla

1.) Preheat oven to 350. 

2.) Stir all ingredients together in a large bowl until well incorporated. Pour into a greased 8x8 baking pan and cook for 35-40 minutes, or until golden brown. 

3.) Let cool and cut into bars. Store in zipped plastic bags to keep fresh. 

Adapted from: Simply Recipes

Honey & Vanilla Cream French Toast

This recipe came about due to a crappy, horrible, horribly crappy crap white bread who's primary utility is for making crap sandwiches. Some may say "I got what I paid for" in the 99 cent loaf, but hey! That's almost four whole quarters. I could've slotted the coins into a temporary Spongebob tattoo machine and been more satisfied.

Especially if I got Patrick.

So, in order to get some miserly satisfaction from the bread, I whipped up some french toast. But not just any toast-- I had to go at it with a vengeance. The combination of the creamy cheese, sweet honey, and touch of vanilla made the budget loaf taste more like a million bucks.

PS- Happy Friday the 13th! I'll pick up a face down penny for you.

Honey Vanilla Cream French Toast  Serves: 1
2 slices sandwich bread
1 T. whipped cream cheese
1/2 t. honey
1/2 t. vanilla extract
1 egg
1 T. milk
Maple syrup

1.) Stir the cream cheese, honey, and vanilla extract together in a small bowl. Spread on one slice of the sandwich bread and top with the remaining slice.
2.) Whisk the egg and milk together in a pie pan (or similar object with sides). Dunk the bread in the mixture on both sides for 30 seconds each.
3.) Heat a small skillet over medium-high heat. Spray with non-stick cooking spray and add the sandwich. Cook until golden brown, then flip and repeat for the other side. Slice in half and serve with maple syrup, if desired.