Chili-Lime Sweet Potato Taquitos

I learned three things making this dish:

1. Never squeeze a lime with dry, cracked hands. 
     Lotion is always a better choice than citric acid.

2. Not all "microwave-safe" dishes are, in fact, microwave safe.
     Just ask my newly melted bowl. False advertising,  man!

3. Chili and lime is a superb addition to sweet potatoes.
     Move over, marshmallows!

My grandma gave me some sweet potatoes over Easter that I wanted to use. (Hey, they're kinda like giant jellybeans, right? Way to go the healthy route, Grams!) Chili and lime in sweet potatoes seemed like such an elusive concept, so I had to give it a go. The chili takes down the sweetness and lime gives a zesty zing.

You could eat the filling on it's own. I chose to make taquitos because I've got a bag of tortillas moving dangerously close to expiration. Not to mention this is a ridiculously cheap dinner. Also, taquitos is fun to say. Awesome logic.

Chili-Lime Sweet Potato Taquitos   Serves: 1
1 medium-sized sweet potato
1/2 t. chile powder
1/2 lime, juiced
3 taco-sized soft corn tortillas
1 green onion, sliced
Salt and Pepper
Sour cream (optional)

1.) Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.
2.) Poke the sweet potato a couple of times with a fork. Microwave by itself (Our relationship has shattered, microwave-safe dishware) on high for 2 minute intervals. Remove once soft and set aside to cool.
3.) Slice the sweet potato and scoop the "meat" into a bowl. Mash with chile powder, lime juice, green onion (save a bit for garnish), and season with salt and pepper. Divide the mash into thirds and roll up in the tortilla. Bake in a small baking dish for 20 minutes, or until tortillas are golden. Serve with the remaining green onion and a dollop of sour cream.

Sriracha Bean Burgers

Tears, singed nostrils, 32 oz. of water, copious mint ingestion, and a maniacally giggling sister. That, my friends, sums up my first sriracha sauce experience-- a hot mess with hot sauce.

At a Thai restaurant many moons ago, we spotted the fiery red sauce. Apparently a bottle stamped with a rooster and written in a foreign language was too much temptation. That, and my sister is really good at saying "DO IT! DOOO IT!." 


But I have since bucked up and bought a bottle for myself. I wanted to face my fears, yet in a comfortable burger form. Also, without my totally-lame-yet-loveable sister. And with nostrils back in healthy form.

The original plan was to use ground sirloin. But after gaping at the $7.00 price tag, I went for the .89 cent black beans, instead. I'll put the extra $6.11 towards getting my hair done. Momma needs to bleach her roots!

These are really fabulous burgers-- and the sriracha flavor is pretty tame. It just gives a gentle spicy kick. The trick to making bean burgers is to bake instead of cook them in a skillet. Trying to flip them is basically, well, a crapfest. Baking in the oven crisps the exterior and leaves the middle soft. And I actually added more sriracha to my burger. What's up, taste bud maturation?

Sriracha Bean Burgers   Makes: 2 Burgers
1 cup canned black beans, rinsed and drained
2 T. chopped green pepper
2 T. chopped carrot
1 green onion, sliced
1/4 t. cumin
1/2 t. salt and 1/4 t. pepper
1/2 t. sriracha sauce
1 egg, beaten
1 T. dried breadcrumbs or panko
1.) Heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil sprayed with non-stick spray
2.) Meanwhile, add green pepper, green onion, and carrot to a food processor. Process until minced finely. Add beans, salt, pepper, cumin, sriracha, breadcrumbs, and 1 T. of the egg. Process until the mixture is fairly smooth but still has some bean chunks in it.
3.) Scoop out the mixture and form into two burger patties. Place on the baking sheet and bake for 25 minutes, or until the edges are crisp. Serve on a bun with sour cream, lettuce, and a bit more sriracha if you're feeling dangerous.

Sausage and Fresh Mozzarella Stuffed Pepper- Blowtorch Style

Stuffed peppers are great. You can fill them with whatever you like, pop 'em in the oven, and Hello!, you've got a perfectly portioned student dinner for one.

Yet like any human being presented with a delicious dish, you think "Hm, that looks pretty good. But I wonder what would happen if I engulfed it in flames."

Wait, maybe that's just me.

I finally broke out the kitchen blowtorch I received to make a beautiful, melty mozzarella crust on these peppers. The 'torch also slightly roasted the pepper, which was a nice toasty side-effect. I felt like taking a (wo)manly sniff, puffing out my chest, and saying in a low, slow drawl, "Yeah, I melt cheese with hellish flames."

In other news, my Mom made the Sign of the Cross and sent up 75 Hail Marys.

You certainly don't need a blowtorch to make this dish-- an oven works just fine. But a blowtorch certainly adds to the whole stuffed pepper experience. Just follow the manufacturer's directions. And a couple of Hail Marys wouldn't hurt, either.

Sausage and Fresh Mozzarella Stuffed Pepper   Serves: 1
1/2 green pepper, seeds and membranes removed
1 small scallion, diced
1 italian sausage link, removed from casing
1 cup cooked white rice
1 T. parmesan cheese
1 oz. (couple of thin rounds) fresh mozzarella
1/4 t. dried oregano
Salt and Pepper
1.) Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2.) Meanwhile, bring a pot of water to boil. Add green pepper half and boil until slightly tender, about 6 minutes. Set aside to drain.
3.) Brown the italian sausage link in a skillet over medium heat, breaking up with a spatula to get evenly browned. Drain fat from the skillet and stir the cooked sausage into the rice. Season with salt, pepper, and oregano. Stir in the parmesan.
4.) Stuff boiled pepper half with the rice mixture. (Most likely not all of it will fit--lunch tomorrow!) Top the pepper with mozzarella. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until warmed through and the cheese is melted.
5.) Blowtorch Step: If using a blowtorch, carefully place the flame over the cheese until it bubbles and browns. Take a manly sniff and eat.

Grilled Portobello Cap with Cheesy Eggs

I'm not much of a procrastinator. Disorganization and stress ain't my thang, and..uh..homework is kind of fun. Sort of. Most of the time.

But every so often an assignment denigrates my usual warm, fuzzy feelings towards school. Case in point: analyzing anomalies in a novel written in the Romantic period, but carefully reflecting both Realist and Slave Narrative characteristics, as well.

As Mark Twain would (well...probably) say, gag me with a Post-Modern spoon.

 And when that happens, Wikipedia-ing the origin of toe-socks, disinfecting my retainer case, and Google mapping Scandinavia becomes wholly engrossing. I also scour recipe sites while browsing Norway on an additional internet tab.

This recipe popped up and I was instantly intrigued. Affordable ingredients? Check. Quick and easy to make? Check, check. Unique? Big check-- who thought of leaving the mushroom cap whole and giving it an egg hat? Probably someone who is free from an entirely subjective, speculative literature assignment that has no factual data whatsoever, that's who.

Grilled Portobello Cap with Cheesy Eggs  Serves: 1
1 portobello mushroom cap, stem removed
Butter non-stick spray
2 eggs, beaten
1 scallion, sliced
1 t. bacon bits (the "real" kind-ha!)
2 T. cheddar cheese, grated
Sour cream
Salt and pepper
1.) Preheat a grill pan/ skillet over medium heat. Or, if available, plug in a George Foreman grill. Coat the mushroom with some butter spray, salt, and pepper, and cook for 5 minutes per side, or until soft. (Or cook 5 minutes on the Foreman). Remove from heat and set aside.
2.) In the same skillet, add another coat of non-stick spray. Reduce heat to low and pour in the eggs. Stir occasionally and add in the scallion, bacon, salt, and pepper when almost cooked through-- it will take a little bit, but low heat makes really creamy eggs.
3.) Top the portobello with the eggs, cheddar cheese, and a dollop of sour cream.

Recipe adapted from: Epicurious

Pork Street Tacos

Street food sure seems to be hitching a ride on the bandwagon these days. It's apparently cooler to scarf a taco standing up than sit and order them. Hm, maybe it burns more calories.

Popular mexican chains are now front-seat passengers on this bandwagon, and their advertisements showcasing tres simply dressed tacos are pretty hunger-inducing. Picture golden tortillas enveloping smoky pulled pork, topped with a smattering of red onion, and finished with a squirt of lime and cilantro. Mmm. I almost ate the ad.

 Then I checked my backpack for spare change, coming up with a dirty quarter and generic brand peanut butter cup. Sigh. Not exactly a treasure trove.

But hope was not dashed, for it is pretty easy to make these on your own. The simple ingredients and preparation make this a prime college student dinner. Throw the (very affordable) pork shoulder in the slow-cooker, shred after class, toss in the fixin's, and you've got a meal.

And you can sit down to eat them, if you prefer.

Pork Street Tacos  
I used my slow-cooker smoked pulled pork as the filling

Toppings:
Diced red onion
Chopped fresh cilantro or parsley
1 lime, sliced into wedges
Sour cream
Corn tortillas
1.) Warm corn tortillas in a small skillet over medium heat for about 30 seconds per side. Fill with pork and top with onion, cilantro or parsley, and sour cream. Squeeze lime juice on top, fold, and eat.

Jalapeno Cheddar "Hummus"

I don't like beans. I looove beans. If I were Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk, that beanstalk would've never seen the light of day. I would've popped those suckers into my mouth immediately. Or tossed them in a salad. Or mixed with pasta. Or pulsed into a bean dip.

I know I've said this before, but really, beans are a student's best friend-- food-wise, of course. Beans don't make good dance partners on a Saturday night. They're cheap, super versatile, and musical!--erm, I mean, gastro-intestinally advantageous.

I swapped out the chickpeas for pinto beans for more of an Ole! feel. It's awesome on a sandwich, rolled into a tortilla, or as a simple chip dip. Let's end the post with an honorary bean haiku, shall we?:

Beans, how I love thee
You are a yummy chip dip
I am regular.

Artistry, man. Pure artistry.
Jalapeno Cheddar "Hummus"
1 (15 oz) can pinto beans, drained (save 2T. liquid)
2 T. jarred jalapenos, diced
1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
2 T. sour cream
1/4 cup fresh parsley, roughly chopped
2 T. diced red onion
1/2 t. cumin
Juice of 1/2 a lime
Salt and Pepper
1.) Add all ingredients into a food processor. Pulse until creamy. Season with salt and pepper.

Adapted from: Eat, Live, Run

Honeyed Banana and Sesame Sandwich

I've got a love/hate relationship with bananas. They're a delicious part of Mother Earth's bounty. She even provided a handy protective encasement-- blueberries and notebooks sharing real estate in a backpack is a bad, bad idea. *Shudder*

On the other hand, bananas go from canary yellow to shrivel-y, mucky brown in, oh, half of a day. Another negative? I've spelled "banana" like "bananananana" approximately eight times in writing this post. They're a vowel attack waiting to happen.

Anyways, like many students, my banana funds aren't unlimited. So when I had a banana erring on the side of turd-ish, I knew I had to eat it. But not just the old-fashioned, peel-and-eat way. So I mashed it, drizzled in some honey, sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds (yes, sesame seeds are finally adorning the inside of a sandwich!), and slapped it between toasted bread. Brain food, baby.

Honeyed Banana and Sesame Seed Sandwich  Serves: 1
1 medium sized banana
1 T. honey
1 t. sesame seeds
Pinch of kosher salt (optional)
2 slices sandwich bread, toasted
1.) Mash the banana in a small bowl with a fork. Sprinkle with a pinch of kosher salt and set aside.
2.) Heat a small skillet over medium-low heat. Add sesame seeds and toast, shaking the pan occasionally, until they turn golden. Remove and set aside.
3.) Spread the banana on one slice of toast. Drizzle with honey and sprinkle with the sesame seeds. Top with the remaining toasted bread and enjoy!

Portobello Fries

This post's theme: Repent. After that doozy of a last post, I feel it necessary to seek penitence for my sins. It's what growing up in a Catholic household will do to you. The guilt, man. It's there.

My Mom still remembers a bacon sandwich she ate 10 years ago during Lent. She blurted it out as I scrambled my lanky-limbed, 12 year-old self into the car after school.

"I ate a bacon sandwich, but I SWEAR it was an ACCIDENT! We had BLT's on Tuesday and didn't want the meat to go bad!" But that woman could eat a pound of bacon, sausage, and steak on Lenten Fridays and be spared from eternal damnation. She's an angel, that one.

Anyways, I love fries. I love portobellos. I love unique combinations. And they're baked. And they'll contribute to less butt jiggle. It's an all-around win-win-win-win-win situation.

Portobello Fries  Serves: 1-2
1 portobello mushroom, stem removed and thinly sliced
1 egg
1/4 cup panko crumbs
1 T. parmesan cheese
1/4 t. dried thyme, crushed
1/4 t. dried rosemary, crushed
Salt and Pepper
Butter cooking spray
1.) Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
2.) Crack egg into a small bowl and whisk. In a separate bowl, add panko, parmesan, thyme, rosemary, and a healthy pinch of salt and pepper. Dip mushroom slices in the egg, then fully coat in the panko mixture. Place "fries" on a baking sheet lined with cooking-spray covered aluminum foil.
3.) Spray the fries with a shot of butter cooking spray. Bake for 10 minutes, flip, and repeat on the other side for 10 more minutes.

Recipe adapted from: A Cozy Kitchen

Springfield, IL's Horseshoe Sandwich

To the health nuts, look away.
To the vegetarians, look away.
To the high-falutin' foodies, look far, far away.

This, my friends, is not a recipe that would tickle your fancy. It might tickle other things, like a gag reflex, and I don't want that to happen.

But to those looking for a once-in-a-long-while treat, dear readers, you're in the right spot. This sandwich is the culinary gem of Springfield, IL. Other than Abe Lincoln, horseshoes stand as the #2 thing of which my hometown is most proud.

It's not really a sandwich-- I'd characterize it more as the aftermath of a cheeseburger explosion. Toast serves as the foundation, then it's topped with a protein of choice (usually a burger), french fries, and a ladle of cheddar cheese sauce. Legend has it that the fries are the "nails" holding the "horseshoe" sandwich together. With that logic, I want to dump fries on all of my sandwiches.

"It's holding together my turkey club, see? Totally necessary."

In any case, it's an excellent reason for piling french fries on a burger. Abe Lincoln is probably beaming down in delight. He would also probably advise eating this every Four Score and Seven Years, give or take a few.

Springfield's Horseshoe Sandwich   Serves: 2 
2 slices sandwich bread, toasted
1/2 lb. ground beef, formed into two patties and sprinkled with salt and pepper
1.5 cups frozen french fries (the thin-sliced kind)

Cheese Sauce:
1 T. butter
1/2 T. oil
1.5 T. flour
1/2 t. salt (or to taste)
1/8 t. dry mustard
Pinch of red pepper flakes (optional)
1 cup milk
2/3 cup cheddar cheese, grated
1.) Prepare french fries according to package directions.
2.) Meanwhile, prepare the sauce. Melt butter and oil over low heat in a saucepot. Whisk in flour and let cook for 2-3 minutes. Pour in the milk, salt, mustard, and pepper flakes. Cook over low, stirring occasionally, until the mixture thickens-- about 10-15 minutes. Stir in the cheese. Keep warm over low heat until ready to use.
3.) Grill the burgers in a grill pan for 5 minutes per side. Place the toasted bread on a place, top with a burger, fries, and a ladle of cheese sauce.

Italian Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms

Word on the not-so-proverbial street is that stuffed mushrooms are a dated dish. A quick Google search on the recipe's history (yeah, I'm procrastinating) resulted in a 1982 news headline "SOVIETS MIGHT ACCEPT ANTI-MISSILE RESEARCH." It included a quote from a U.S. official stating, "a lot of things come up over a stuffed mushroom and a cappuccino."

Ah, the media. They never fail to blind me with insight. And yes, this is real--I had to double check to make sure it wasn't an SNL transcript.

So, was the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty, in fact, influenced by an exceptionally tasty mushroom? Is it possible that a fungus among-us may be partially responsible for a better shot at world peace? Dated or not, these are flippin' delicious. I'm thinking of FedEx-ing some to Libyan president Gaddafi.

Italian Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms   Serves: 1
1 mild or hot italian sausage link
1 portobello mushroom cap, stem and gills removed
1 shallot, diced
1 T. roasted red pepper, diced
1/4 cup mozzarella, shredded
1 T. parmesan cheese
1 T. white wine
Salt and Pepper
1.) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Remove casing from the sausage. Crumble into a skillet over medium heat and cook until fully browned. Drain almost all of the fat from the skillet and set sausage aside.
2.) In the same skillet, add shallot. Cook over medium heat until softened, 3-4 minutes. Pour in white wine and drop in the red pepper. Season with a pinch of salt and pepper. Let cook until wine evaporates, then add to the sausage and toss together.
3.) Scoop the sausage mixture into the mushroom cap. Top with mozzarella and parmesan. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until cheese is golden and mushroom tender.

Baked Turkey Dogs

Mysterious things happened over the weekend at my campus gym. First, time slowed to the speed of frozen molasses the second my foot grazed the elliptical machine. I then felt confident enough to chest-press fifty pounds in spite of my weak, wobbly chicken arms. Finally, while uttering various damnations to weight machine manufacturers, I got the craving for a chili-cheese dog.

Maybe it's the bleach wipes.

So I sauntered into the grocery store post-workout. Not wanting to completely nullify my uncharacteristic gym workout, my sterile, bleach-y hand went for the healthier options to make chili-cheese dogs. By using turkey dogs, vegetarian chili, and a reasonable portion of cheddar, this dog comes out to an extremely respectable 260 calories.

Plus, turkey is an excellent protein for those who want to build up their chicken arms.

Baked Turkey Dogs   Serves: 2
2 hot dog buns, split
2 bun-length turkey dogs
1/2 cup vegetarian chili (I used an organic canned brand)
1/4 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
1 scallion, sliced
Sour cream, to serve
1.) Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2.) Meanwhile, coat a loaf pan with cooking spray. Place hot dogs in the buns and carefully put in the loaf pan (They will be snug). Top each dog with 1/4 cup chili, 2 T. cheddar cheese, and equal parts scallion (reserve some to top with later).
3.) Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 20 minutes. Remove foil and let tops get slightly crisp, 3-5 minutes. Top each with a dollop of sour cream and more scallions.

Sunny Eggs with Spinach and Capers

In a bout of procrastination, I stumbled on these contraptions:

Gun eggs. Sort of a hostile way to start off your morning. What occasion would call for these egg molds? A 2nd Amendment Enthusiast Convention? An NRA get-together? Or maybe this is James Bond's preferred egg style.

Waiter: "Would you like those scrambled or over-easy?"
Mr. Bond: "Nah. I'll take a .44 Magnum, please."

 Considering I get the willies looking at an ear-piercing gun, I'll stick to the traditional oval fried egg. Here's a recipe for the peace-lovers and/or those who get gun heebie-jeebies.

Sunny Eggs with Spinach and Capers   Serves: 1
2 eggs
2 t. olive oil, divided
1 cup (packed) baby spinach
1 t. capers, roughly chopped
1 small shallot, diced
1 T. feta cheese
Lemon zest
Salt and pepper
Pita wedges
1.) Heat 1 t. olive oil in a medium sized skillet over medium heat. Add shallots and cook until softened, 3-4 minutes. Add spinach and capers and cook until spinach is just wilted. Sprinkle in a dash of salt and pepper. Remove to a bowl.
2.) Add the remaining 1 t. olive oil to the same skillet. Set the heat over medium and crack in the two eggs. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook until the egg whites are almost set, then pour 1 T. water into the skillet and cover. This will cook the rest of the whites and leave the yolks runny, 10-15 seconds.
3.) Divide the spinach mixture. Put half on the plate, top with the eggs, then place the remaining half on top. Sprinkle with feta and lemon zest. Serve with pita wedges.

Deep-Fried Mayonnaise Nuggets

This recipe scared me at first. There are lots of good nuggets in this world-- chicken, gold, Denver's basketball team (Wait, maybe not), but a nugget of mayo? Dear God.

Eleanor Roosevelt famously remarked we should "do one thing every day that scares you." Though my arteries seized and heart fluttered at the thought of fat fried in...fat, I'm not about to argue with one of the most prominent female figures in U.S. history.

Sorry, cardiovascular system. I just shaved 6 months off my life expectancy.

But after plunging the hearty mayo morsels into a vat of sizzling oil, all hesitancy was voided. The beautifully crisp, browned outer exterior encapsulated and contrasted with the oozing, smooth mayo. I also whipped up a butter sauce as a nugget dip. I'd already wolfed down fried mayo, so what's another 1,000 calories?

Just like Socrates once said: "If you're gonna be a fatass, be a fatass." Or maybe that was my sister. Hm. Sometimes I get them confused.

Oh, and one more thing...


APRIL FOOL'S!
Now here's a ridiculously delicious and healthy creamy bean and yogurt dip. Please don't let any fried mayonnaisical objects near it. Thank you.

White Bean and Greek Yogurt Dip

1 (15 oz.) can cannellini beans, drained
1/4 cup plain greek yogurt
1 clove garlic, chopped
1/2 t. crushed rosemary (dried)
2 t. extra virgin olive oil
Lemon zest
Salt and Pepper
1.) Process all ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Season to taste. Serve with pita.