Creamy Lentil and Bacon Bowties

I've seen the proverbial light, my friends. And that light looks a lot like dried beans.

Weird, right? I always imagined pearly gates and melodious harps. And Johnny Depp with his shirt off.

But for now, bagged legumes are my budgetary savior. I was a bit nervous cooking dried beans since I've only bought them canned before, but they're really, truly, supremely, and tremendously simple. Really!

Let's do some math here:
1 lb. dried lentils was $2.00;
There are approximately 6 cups of cooked lentils in one pound;
Which equates to 12 1/2 cup servings;
Thus, if E=MC^2,
b^x dx = b^x / ln(b) + C,
and jell-o shots + sweet tea vodka= an unfailingly horrible hangover,
then that means a serving of nutritious, filling, and tasty lentils cost: $.16!


Aww, yeah. Beans: they're what's for dinner. Tonight.

Creamy Lentil and Bacon Bowties   Serves: 1

For the lentils:

1 bag dried lentils

Water

1.) Pour lentils into a strainer and rinse with water. Pick out any rocks/ debris that may have made it into the bag. 

2.) Place lentils into a large pot and cover with water by about 2 inches. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat to a simmer. Cover and let cook for 20-25 minutes, or until tender. 

3.) Portion into plastic containers and freeze for later use. Save 1/4 cup for your pasta!

For the pasta:

1 cup uncooked bowtie pasta (farfalle)

1/4 cup cooked lentils

1 T. bacon bits

1 T. whipped cream cheese

1 T. parmesan cheese

Dash of worcestershire sauce

Handful of spinach

Salt and pepper

1.) Cook the pasta according to package directions. Drain, reserving 1/4 cup of the pasta water.

2.) Meanwhile, heat the lentils and bacon bits in a skillet over medium-low heat. Add the cream cheese and a dash of worcestershire sauce. Season with a pinch of salt and pepper. 

3.) Add the pasta to the skillet when it's done and add a handful of spinach. Toss to incorporate and let the spinach wilt. Sprinkle in the parmesan and stir. Add a bit of reserved pasta water if it seems too dry. Remove to a plate and serve.

Spaghetti with Olives and Breadcrumbs

If my Mom tried to serve me this as a kid, I probably would've acted on one of three options:
A.) Call Child Protective Services to report excessive olive ingestion abuse;
B.) Recommend the Department of Homeland Security put us on Threat Level Red for acts of food terrorism;
OR
C.) Gag, whine, and complain--then just pick out the olives and solemnly slurp up the spaghetti. My house's rules stipulated that post-dinner ice cream was only for those who actually ate their dinner.

But o-ho!, how taste buds change. Olives no longer resemble brine bombs to me. Instead, they're welcome little salt spheres to a lot of dishes. (Except for, I would imagine, pancakes.)

This is the manifestation of a pantry meal: pasta, olive oil, breadcrumbs, and olives. These easy and affordable ingredients are a spectacular addition to any busy student's pantry.

If you also would've taken government action against an olive-serving parent in years past, please try them again. And if you find olives just don't jive with your 'buds, I won't tell if you still eat a post-dinner ice cream.

Spaghetti with Olives and Breadcrumbs    Serves: 1
2 oz. spaghetti (about the diameter of a quarter)
1/4 cup green olives, sliced in half
2 t. olive oil, divided
1 T. breadcrumbs (you can either buy or make your own by grinding stale bread in a food processor)
2 T. parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper
1.) Cook the spaghetti according to package directions. Drain (reserving 1/4 cup of the pasta water) and set aside.
2.) Meanwhile, add 1 t. olive oil to a small skillet over medium high heat. Add breadcrumbs and swirl to coat in the oil. Cook until golden brown. Set aside in a small bowl.
3.) Add the remaining 1 t. olive oil to the same skillet. Dump in the green olives, spaghetti, and parmesan. Add a little pasta water if the mixture seems too dry. Season with salt (if necessary) and pepper. Top with the breadcrumbs.

Adapted from: Giada at Home

Buffalo Chicken Nachos

Want to know something weird? My knee squishes in to look like an earthworm.

Wait. That's not what I wanted to tell you. It's this: Up until a few weeks ago, buffalo wings/ sauce had never graced my palate. Maybe it's because my family seems to favor spinach-artichoke dip over wings as an appetizer. Or maybe it's because they resemble mini chicken construction cones.

Then I sampled a .025 inch of buffalo chicken sandwich at the mall. Then I bought and devoured the whole sub. And now I can't. stop. craving. everything. buffalo.

I'll tell you, it's much better than that prehistoric woolly mammoth craving I was experiencing earlier.

Buffalo Chicken Nachos    Serves: 1
Handful of tortilla chips
2 chicken tenderloins OR 1 small chicken breast
1 T. buffalo wing sauce
1/3 cup grated cheddar cheese
2 T. blue cheese crumbles
1 green onion, sliced
Sour cream
1.) Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2.) Fill a small pot halfway with water. Bring to a boil, add the chicken, then lower the heat to a simmer. Cook for 7-8 minutes, or until the chicken reaches 165 degrees. Remove to a bowl and shred with two forks. Pour in the wing sauce and set aside.
3.) In a small casserole dish (or oven-safe plate), add half the tortilla chips. Top with half of the shredded chicken, half of the cheddar, and half of the blue cheese. Scatter the other half of the chips on top. Layer on the remaining chicken, cheddar, and blue cheese.
4.) Bake for 10 minutes, or until cheese melts and chicken is heated through. Top with the sliced green onion and a dollop of sour cream.

Cheesy Zucchini Hash and Fried Eggs

Today is my first day of grad school.
The first day of the next five years of my life.
The first day I TA for undergraduates.
And hopefully not the day I trip over a freshman, forget most of the English language, choke on a pretzel, and/or come down with the ebola virus.

Pressure!

Eating something home-y and comforting helps ease the...er, utter terror. This dish fits that framework. Bonus points for it being outrageously affordable and finished in about fifteen minutes.

The "hash" portion deserves parentheses because there's no potato involved. If you've gotta have some starchiness, shred half of a small potato and cook it with the zucchini. Sweet potato would be awesome, too. Now that I think about it, that seems like an extremely good addition. I'll be sure to add it next time I whip this up-- seeing as I don't catch the ebola virus anytime soon.

Cheesy Zucchini Hash and Fried Eggs

1 small zucchini (or yellow squash), shredded

1 t. bacon bits

1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese

2 t. butter, divided

2 eggs

1 green onion, sliced

Salt and pepper

1.) Heat 1 t. butter in a small skillet over medium-high heat. Add zucchini and spread into a single layer. Let cook for a few minutes, then stir with a spatula to brown the top sides. Add bacon and a pinch of salt and pepper. Remove to a plate and cover with cheese. Keep warm.

2.) Heat the remaining 1 t. butter over medium heat in the same skillet. Crack in the eggs. Cook until the whites are almost set, then pour in a teaspoon of water and cover the skillet. Cook for 10-15 more seconds, or until whites completely set.

3.) Place eggs over the zucchini and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Top with green onion.

Cheapskate Cheese Plate

I am all about cheese. It has so many variations—sharp, mild, creamy, hard, tangy, that it’s difficult to tire of this type of dairy. But it can also get expensive. That’s why this is a student budget-friendly Cheapskate Cheese Plate.

A cheese plate’s biggest advantage is the speed of assembly. Slice some cheese, tear up a hunk of fresh bread, pop in a vine of grapes, and throw in some olives and blue cheese if you’re really feeling metropolitan.

Another plus is that you can annoy roommates by announcing that you are, quite literally, cutting the cheese while putting your platter together. All over the cutting board.

Cheese plates are usually served as appetizers. However, they make awesome main courses for busy students. A lot of plates also include some type of meat, like salami or ham, but the only animal proteins in my fridge were hot dogs. And that just didn’t seem…appropriate.

Cheapskate Cheese Plate  Serves: 1

Fresh French bread

Grapes

Sharp cheddar cheese

Blue cheese

Green olives

1.) Get a portion of bread (or crackers), a few slices of cheddar, a scoop of blue cheese crumbles, olives, and some washed red grapes. Arrange on a platter and eat!

Wedge Salad with Blue Cheese Dressing

To borrow a phrase from the fashion world, this salad is cheap and chic. A head of iceberg lettuce is usually a couple bucks cheaper than the pre-bagged kind. Not to mention the assembly is just plain impressive, and it takes about as much effort as tying your shoelaces. ...Or velcro-ing your tennies.  I don't discriminate!

Who would've thought the less effort you put into a salad, the cooler it looks? I wish my hair would operate in the same manner.

If you're not a blue cheese fan, ranch would be a good substitute. Serve with some fresh french bread and a hard-boiled egg (such a budget-friendly protein) and you've got dinner!

Wedge Salad with Blue Cheese Dressing    Serves: 1
1/4 head of iceberg lettuce, rinsed and patted dry
1 egg
1 T. bacon bits
1 small green onion, (green part only) sliced (optional)

Dressing:
1.5 T. light sour cream
1.5 T. milk
1 T. crumbled blue cheese
1/8 t. worcestershire sauce
1/8 t. red wine vinegar
Salt and pepper

1.) Add all of the dressing ingredients into a small bowl. Whisk with a fork and season with salt and pepper. Set aside.
2.) Place egg in a pot. Cover with cold water until water is 1 inch over the egg. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and cook for 12 minutes. Remove egg and place in ice water to stop the cooking. Once cool, peel and slice in half.
3.) Pour dressing over the lettuce wedge. Add the sliced egg and green onion. Sprinkle on the bacon bits. Serve with bread.

Yellow Squash Penne in Buttery Parmesan Sauce

Phew, it's good to be back!
How are you all? Tanned? Hungry? Bootylicious?

I've been busy moving into my new apartment, prepping for a PhD adventure, and wondering if a painting of flamboyant unicorns leaping over the Milky Way will provide the "color pop" I need for my living room.

And since I've returned to poor-dom after living with my parents, I can now focus on cheap, college-friendly cooking again. I can also dance to the YMCA naked, watch PBS, and put the Chicken Dance on repeat since I can afford to live on my own. (Thanks, Teaching Assistantship!)

Yellow always reminds me of the new school year-- probably because of buses and Crayola crayon boxes. Ring in the school season with this simple sunny-colored dish. Carbs are a great way to begin the semester.

Yellow Squash Penne in Buttery Parmesan Sauce  Serves: 1
3/4 cup dried penne pasta
1 small yellow squash (or zucchini), shredded
3 t. butter, divided
2 t. parmesan cheese
Cracked black pepper
Salt
1.) Boil pasta according to package directions. Reserve 1/4 cup of the pasta water, drain, and set aside.
2.) Meanwhile, heat 1 t. butter over medium heat in a pan. Add squash and saute until tender, 3-4 minutes. Then add the cooked pasta, 2 t. butter, and 2 t. parmesan to the pan. Sprinkle with a pinch of salt and pepper. Stir until cheese and butter melt. Add pasta water (1 T. at a time) if the pasta seems too dry.
3.) Scoop into a serving bowl and top with more pepper and parmesan, if desired.